Boys are Stupid, Throw Rocks at Them!
So what is it about the male species of the human race? They seem to have the knack to be complete idiots the majority of the time.
Ok, so occasionally there is that one guy that gets your attention.
And keeps it.
And makes the effort and treats you like the lady you are.
And you fall head over heels in love and live happily ever after…
And if you are in that situation well then, good on you.
But for the vast majority of us guys turn out to be complete and utter dicks! And, as a girlfriend told me the other day, full of shit. Depending on when, guys will be full of different levels of shit.
I’m not talking about those pigs disguised as men who insist on wolf whistling and making comments that make my blood boil. They’re a whole different saga all together.
No, I’m talking about the seemingly decent ones. The ones who show interest and you’re interested too, but alas…
These guys may be a number of things. One or all, or any combination of the following:
A guy may be a complete loser (in one form or another) once you get to know him a little better. He just does not do what he intends to do – or rather says he will do. All he does is build expectations and allow them to fall as flat as a soufflé taken out too soon!
A guy may be in a situation that baffles you completely. You have no idea how he managed to tie himself in such a knot, and he lacks the courtesy to let you know that he is in a difficult point in his life. He drags you along, and then it all comes spilling out. By the time he’s decided a ‘confession’ is due you are so over it that you no longer give a shit.
The guy may be incapable of separating different aspects of his life. Admittedly, there comes a time when romance, personal and work related issues cannot be separated. But, before this point, there is still narrow gap whereby the guy can extend the courtesy of letting you know that he would rather not be with you – without having to go into the gory details of his problems.
Because, in the beginning – what is there? Usually just a mutual attraction - whereby you are still testing the waters. And it will be no real loss if he lets you know that he’s not interested. Yet, he doesn’t. Then all the problems come spilling out. Do you really care? You might understand, but do you really care? It is not as though you are in some long term relationship, or any sort of relationship is it? You have not reached the point where a problem shared is a problem halved.
The guy may seem interested yet he still goes around being a player.
In your presence…. (This person also falls under the category of loser). So here guys may argue that you are not in a relationship so it is of no real consequence what he does as you are not officially together. True as this argument might be, it is not a legitimate excuse. If, since you are not in a relationship, and he wants to continue seeing other women then he should at least have the decency to do so when you are not around.
Alternatively the guy starts acting strangely. Now this particular scenario is my area of expertise as it keeps happening! You wonder (and over-think about it all) – is it me? Is it something I said? Is it something I did? Now, usually it has absolutely nothing to do with you at all, but you are not to know this since he becomes a selective mute. Or, else you find out – via the grapevine – that he is in a relationship. Ok, it’s commendable that he is true to his girl, but why get into a potentially sticky situation in the first place? Why not be upfront about it and save a girl some grief?
Or it may just be as simple as him being a jackass - every single last member of the male species of the human race!
Finding a good guy is like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack.
Maybe a way around sifting through guys and saving yourself from potential heartache is to question them. Before you even start thinking that maybe this can go somewhere, whether it is a fling or a steady relationship you’re looking for. Before you think ‘Maybe I can let go and show some interest and see where this goes…’
From my experience, I would say the following questions may be of some use (situation dependent of course!)
- Are you married/ engaged/ in a relationship?
This question is pretty self explanatory I’d say. You should either be number one or not at all. There will be no bread buttering on both sides! There will be no proverbial having of cake and eating it!
- Is there any offspring running around (even potentially)?
Because – even though he may not be in a relationship – you really do need to be aware whether or not there’ll be potential drama in the future from his baby’s momma! This is a pretty big deal. You will have to wrap your head around the fact that your Mr. Right (Mr Right for now) has had children by someone else…and decide whether or not it’s something you can handle!
- Are there any issues that may just suck me in?
Yes, everyone has their issues - varying degrees of issues. Of course, these hardly ever come up early on because it’s not something that is readily discussed but there are times when a girl needs to know what she’s letting herself get into. It is then up to you whether or not you want to stick around and deal with it or cut your losses and run. Because if you want to cut and run it was not meant to be and would it not be better for him to find this out sooner rather than later?
- Are you solvent?
There’s no need to be filthy rich, but a man with too much debt who may be bumming off you for goodness knows how long? No thank you!
These are things a girl needs to think about. Maybe not all in the beginning of whatever but they are important. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. And it is issues such as these that can make or break something. Yes, yes there are a whole lot of other things to consider as well when it comes to relationships…. I know it is not all black and white when it comes to relationships but sometimes, sometimes I wish it were.
Of course, there is the other option.
He’s just not that into you!
But to chicken to tell you because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so he ends up stringing you along … and hurts your feelings anyway.
GRR!
This to me is the worst! I really don’t understand why guys can’t just be upfront from the start. Why is there this need to protect you – especially when he knows full well that in the end he’ll break your heart anyway! This is even more pertinent if you’re the type of girl who gets attached very quickly. If you are part of the group who doesn’t get attached quickly – the type of girl who needs to warm up to a guy and let him in bit by bit – even then you can still end up a little heart sore, a little less inclined to believe the truly honest, well meaning guy who (eventually!) comes your way!
Because, despite men being total idiots a lot of the time, and despite it seeming as though you’re always hooking up with someone who should be nominated for Asshole of the Year and flagged on a website of who not to date and to stay a hundred miles away from…despite all of this, I still believe that good guys exist.
He is out there – waiting to bump into YOU, to be YOUR knight in shining armour, to be the one who makes it all fine when your world seems to be crumbling down around you, to be one who will love you unconditionally, to be the one who will hold you when you need him to and give you space when required. He is out there – willing to take you as you are – imperfect and temperamental.
And, even though you know you don’t need a man to complete you – there is that guy out there who’ll make life – the potholed, smooth, melancholic, joyous, tedious, exhilarating journey that it is – worthwhile!
Maybe I’m just a romantic at heart (albeit a disillusioned one).
Maybe I’m still just too inexperienced and naive.
So until the day I’m swept off my feet by the one who truly deserves me - Here’s a toast to singledom!
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